For too long now I've waited for the remaining grip of doubt to release my heart.
Fear and stress have been demolished, so why these lingering doubts? These whispers that all these other women I see with blatantly powerful purposes have somehow won more of God’s approval?
It seemed obvious to my human mentality:
The proof of His pleasure is the extent of the adventures He invites you into.
Yet this weekend at my church's women's retreat - tucked away in the mountains of Idyllwild - He wrecked that perspective for good.
And how did He do it?
Not by telling me to "believe harder!"
He allowed me to feel the weight of His pure enjoyment in me.
Me...the one who hasn't lead anyone directly to the Lord, hasn't mega-phoned inspiration to stadiums, hasn't moved to Africa to care for orphans...but has simply dug in her feet where God lead her, has done her best to love her neighbor, and has practiced intentional adoration of Him every day to the best of her ability?
Suddenly I knew it wasn’t the size of the adventure, but the extent of our intimacy that was His measuring rod of approval. I was overwhelmed. And somewhere in the joyous wake of my tears - when I finally came up for air in His beautiful presence - I saw floating behind me shadowy whisps of something that had once clouded my dreams:
I believe it now: My adventures with Him - when they come - will be very great. And I believe, not because I've simply clenched my fists and told my heart “BELIEVE dangit!!” but because I’ve made it a habit to rest in and savor His presence in every. single. moment.
For the first time in my life I know He enjoys me as much as I enjoy Him - so why on earth wouldn’t He give me all the desires of my heart...and then some?
Have you felt the weight of His enjoyment in you?
I invite you to make space to sit with Him.
He's just waiting to pour it on your heart like a waterfall.